From the outside looking in, it would appear as though festival-goers consist exclusively of the glitterati of society. The 'beautiful people' if you will, where a sense of peace, love, unity, and rejecting the strains of general life is paramount.
For those who regularly attend festivals, you'll be aware that this isn't quite the case. With every hero comes a villain, and with every moment of artistry comes a moment of idiocy. This is the yin-and-yang of the contemporary festival experience.
To prepare you for the ridiculous kinds of people you can expect to see we've listed 10 of the types you're most likely to encounter, and will most likely want to avoid.
1. The 'Mad-chester United' Lad
I mean, it surely wouldn't be officially classified as a festival if you didn't see one of these kagoule-laden chaps waltzing around, spewing Oasis and Stones Roses choruses in the faces of unsuspecting punters and believing that the maraca was made for every song ever written.
Even in the furthest corners of the globe, there will undoubtedly be a custodian of Madchester in attendance to go royally 'mad fer it' wearing their bucket hats loud and proud.
2. The 'Selfie Kween'
The sole objective of this person's festival experience is to give off the impression that they're having a wild time in the throes of euphoria to their hordes of Instagram followers.
In reality, they come across as morbidly dull individuals which is evident in the after-photos due to each and every picture being exactly the same.
To counter-act their irritating behaviour, we suggest photo-bombing at any given opportunity.
3. The Cultural Appropriator
The least 'woke' of the festival demographic, and easily spotted due to the insanely large Native American headdress.
Although predominantly seen at the likes of Coachella, there always manages to be one person who didn't get the memo.
Just please, no.
4. The Sunburn Guy
Forever a staple of the festival no-no. The people who believe blazing summer sunshine, warm Strongbow, and ignoring any form of skin protection is the ideal concoction to a perfect festival experience are sorely mistaken.
They tend to stand out like a sore thumb, due to their skin tone resembling 'Fire Cracker Red' on the Dulux colour chart.
5. The Fraternity
Groups of topless men in their late teens/early-20s are prevalent at festivals, ogling at unassuming bystanders, consuming their alcohol exclusively with a beer-bong, then subsequently projectile vomiting due to not being able to handle their own intake.
Trying, then failing to impress the opposite sex is a prerequisite, so expect to see these guys ominously lurching around the main stage during the likes of Katy Perry's, Harry Styles', and Rita Ora's performances.
6. The 'Main Stage Moaner'
The kind of people to whine about the lack of personal space during the headline set, yet won't hesitate in bringing their fold-out seats and parasols with them to the dismay of everyone within a 5-metre circumference.
Their pure hypocrisy will leave you perplexed.
7. The 'Free Pee-er'
The world is their urinal, from a wall, a fence, a queue for food, a bag, a pint cup. Anything but the designated toilets.
You may not see these characters, but you may definitely feel them in the form of a projectile soaring across the crowd.
If you see a cup of liquid mid-air, then assume it's not a beer. And most definitely don't drink it:
8. The 'I Love You Man' man
The consummate festival freeloader, taking full advantage of the generosity of strangers.
Expressing their affections for you within 30-second intervals just because you offered them a rizla, they'll latch on to you for the remainder of the evening at the very least.
You can kiss goodbye to your supply of beer, your remnants of tobacco, and most irritatingly, your personal space.
9. The Horizontals
These are the folks that are happy to lay on the floor under a gazebo for the entirety of a festival, no matter what music or activities are on offer.
This is all well and good, but when you're attempting to shift from stage to stage at break-neck speed to catch the one band you paid to see, it often takes Indiana Jones-esque dexterity to circumvent their outstretched limbs.
It can often end in disaster in the form of spilled-drinks, crushed fingers, and you face-first on the floor, so keep your wits about you.
10. The 'No-Wellies-Wallies'
Believing that a low-top pair of Vans that have seen better days will protect them from the elements, these individuals forfeit Wellington boots on their list of festival requirements.
After one day of knee-high mud, they soon let go and synthesise with the sludgy earth beneath them.
Expect to see these mud-monsters entertaining the amphitheatre of punters surrounding them with all the mud-related tricks in the book; mudslides, mud-fights, mud-dancing, alongside piece de resistance the 'mud-worm'.
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